Iowa Basketball, Family Supporting Patrick McCaffery

It was a moment that a lot of the people in Carver-Hawkeye Arena didn’t notice, but Margaret McCaffery saw it and knew something was wrong.

Her son, Patrick, a fourth-year junior forward at Iowa, had been fouled with a little more than five minutes remaining in the December 21 game against Eastern Illinois. He was stepping to the free-throw line when he paused, appearing to be about to vomit.

Patrick went to Iowa’s bench and was given a towel. After a moment’s break, he went back to the line, made 1-of-2 free throws, and then left the game three seconds later, heading to the training room to throw up.

“At first, I thought, or hoped, he was just exhausted,” Margaret said on Wednesday. “And he was. But part of why he was exhausted was he was just getting so run down.”

The exhaustion was brought on by Patrick’s battle with anxiety issues, and it’s why he announced on Tuesday that he would be taking an indefinite leave from competition.

“I have been battling anxiety for a while, and recently it has peaked, which has inhibited my preparation and performance on the court,” Patrick said in a statement. “It’s not fair to myself or teammates to be on the court when I am not myself. The anxiety has affected my sleep, appetite, and stamina, which has resulted in not having the energy level necessary to compete at my full capabilities. My struggle with anxiety affects every aspect of my well-being and makes it incredibly difficult to function normally. This is what I am battling right now.”

“He has struggled with this for a while,” said Iowa coach Fran McCaffery, Patrick’s father. “I think he said it pretty well, in terms of how he feels and how his body feels at any point in time in terms of his eating and sleeping and so forth. His energy level isn't where it needs to be.

“He's pretty transparent about how he feels, and so we're just trying to help him feel better.”

Patrick has started all 14 of Iowa’s games this season, averaging 12.8 points and 4.8 rebounds. He has scored in double figures in 10 games, but has scored just eight points in the last two games, making just 2-of-15 shots.

“I definitely think it’s something he’s dealt with for a while, but it’s something that’s picked up recently,” said Iowa guard Connor McCaffery, Patrick’s older brother.

“It’s a really difficult decision, really hard on him,” Margaret McCaffery said. “He didn’t want to feel like he was letting anyone down.

“The last few weeks, he’s been mentally and physically exhausted by this. It’s what happens with anxiety. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat. He has no adrenaline, so by the time he gets to game time, he feels like he’s run a whole marathon.”

“He dealt with this in high school,” Fran McCaffery said. “He's always been able to kind of fight through — a pretty tough kid in that sense. And pretty focused. So he would lock into the game plan and really work on certain things that he thought would be effective. But I think it's been really hard for him the last couple weeks.”

Patrick McCaffery met with his teammates on Tuesday and informed him of his decision. He will still be with the team for practices and games, and will travel on road trips, but won’t play until he’s ready to return.

“He does not want to be (away from the team),” Fran McCaffery said. “I wondered about that because sometimes when you take a leave of absence, that's what that means — you remove yourself from the situation. He's removing himself from the competition part, but it was important to him, and he verbalized this to his teammates, that he remain supportive of them, so he'll be at practice today, he'll be at the game tomorrow, he'll travel with us to New Jersey (for Sunday’s game at Rutgers). So that was important to him.”

“It’s incredibly brave what he did,” forward Filip Rebraca said. “I didn’t even know that he’s dealing with it, and I live with him. It’s something I admire. It’s been courageous. The whole team is going to step up and be here for Patrick. Hopefully, he keeps working on himself, falls in love with the game again, and gets to where he needs to be.”

“You could tell he was a little bit off, just by the way he was playing,” forward Kris Murray said. “We just kept encouraging him. The strength that he had to be able to come out and talk about something like this, personally, for him, I think that shows the person he is. We’re all going to have his back, no matter what.”

Connor McCaffery said the decision to step away was difficult for his brother.

“I told him whatever he needed to do to be himself is what he should do,” he said. “He made a comment to me, like, ‘I feel like I have to play.’ I said, ‘No, you don’t.’ It’s not like he was obligated to do anything.

“I don’t think it’s something to look poorly upon. I think it’s brave. People will understand, and I think he’s helping a lot of people by doing that. I’ve always been if you’re open and honest with things, you’ll feel better yourself. You’re not feeling like you’re keeping things from people.”

“From an emotional standpoint, for all of us, it’s been difficult,” Margaret McCaffery said. “From a mom’s standpoint, seeing someone you love struggle, to watch him, see him battle, keep fighting, because he feels like that’s what he should do, I felt like it was our job to give him permission to not have to do that, and to feel OK, that he wasn’t letting anybody down, that we love him and we don’t care if he ever touches another basketball. I don’t think that’s the case, that that will ever happen, but it’s not why we love Patrick.

“It’s scary. And he’s been in some scary places throughout his battle with this.”

The openness of Patrick’s announcement has brought a wave of comments of support from around the nation.

“He felt it was important to … be transparent, OK, this is how I feel, and this is why I'm struggling,’” Fran McCaffery said. “I thought he did a really good job of that. I think it's important. The outpouring of support has been tremendous from a variety of different people, people we know, people we don't know, many of whom are experiencing the same things and going through the same struggles.”

“I think he’s overwhelmed, because he wants to respond and reach out to everyone who has reached out to him,” Margaret McCaffery said. “And I’ve tried to say, ‘This is a time for you to be a little bit selfish. Take care of yourself first, and do what you feel like you need to do to feel better, and those people will understand if you don’t reach out to them right away.’ I think he’s hearing that, too. It’s important to him to be respectful and responsive, because he does appreciate it.

“It’s scary and it’s sad and it’s hard. But there are some good things coming from this for all of us.”